How to Know a Person — Chapter Seventeen: What Is Wisdom?

1. 1. Wisdom is not knowledge of physics or geography but the ability to see deeply into who people are and how they should move in complex situations.
2. 2. Wise people do not tell others what to do; they witness their story and help them process their own thoughts and emotions.
3. 3. Tracy Kidder deeply knew Deogratias by spending time with him, accompanying him to places of his past, and building a bridge through shared emotions like fear of judgment.
4. 4. Lori Gottlieb helped John, a narcissistic patient, by establishing a relationship of seeing him despite his attempts to hide, and by challenging him with compassion.
5. 5. In 'Good Will Hunting,' the therapist critiques Will by naming his fear and vulnerability, offering a painful but important honor that moves him toward personal knowing.
6. 6. Wisdom is a social skill practiced within a relationship or a 'community of truth,' where minds intermingle and shared awareness emerges.
7. 7. Kathryn Schulz's father, Isaac, was truly seen by his family as they gathered around him in his final days, telling him what he had given them.
8. 8. The author admits he still struggles with ego and diffidence, often missing crucial conversational moments where he could go deeper.
9. 9. The author has made progress in becoming more vulnerable, open, and kind, with a warmer gaze and a focus on understanding others' subjectivity.
10. 10. The way we see others is a moral act: 'just and loving attention' is generous and considerate, while judgmental seeing is cruel.